My husband has a conference down in Sarasota next week. Because I am not a lunatic, I have decided to join him with our kids, rather than stay home alone for a week in this rainy, freezing weather. We are flying. With a three year old and two month old. So we will be the family everyone at the airport prays they don't have to sit next to on the plane. I am trying to be optimistic (read: playing dumb) about this challenge. I feel like we should totally be able to do a two and a half hour flight with ease. I mean we are not parenting in the stone ages here, we have iPads to entertain our children.
If I wasn't so hard on myself as a parent I would be okay with sitting Vance in front of an iPad for the whole journey. But, alas, I have this nagging voice in the back of my head (that sounds strangely like my mother) that always wants my children to be doing something worthwhile. I have a pang of guilt every time I hear the theme song to Thomas or Backyardigans. It's like I need to know that he is using his brain at all times. I feel like this is a trend with children and their parents these days. When I talk to my friends, they seem to be having the same guilty feelings about television and iPads. It is hard to be a parent when your child needs to be able to focus on quiet "old fashioned" activities like coloring, puzzles, pretend play, etc AND know how to use their fingers to navigate the Internet. And don't even get me started on Internet safety for children and teens, because that just gives me a straight up panic attack.
So if you are flying out of O'Hare airport early Saturday morning and you see a child being forced against their will to draw a picture instead of stare at an iPad screen, you are probably looking at my family. And you should probably hope we aren't sitting right next to you on your flight.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Which one is me?
When I was 20, if you would have told me that someday I would be sitting on my couch blogging during nap time with a sleeping (and adorable) two month old on my lap while my boob is hanging out (tmi? That is how we roll in my house) I would have looked at you like you were nuts. How times have changed! And yet they haven't in a way. I feel like I am still searching for myself. In my early twenties, I was a dancer, college student, sorority girl, and lover of all things rambunctious. Now, at 29, I am more into my children, cooking...you know, being your basic overall domestic goddess. When did I change so much?
I used to laugh at the idea of a stay at home mom. I was raised by women who were in the workforce. Two strong women (my gran and mom) in an all female household that we christened the "no penis palace". Girl power! I dreamed of graduating college and moving to some exciting place to start my spinster hood. I never was one of those girls that dreamed of getting married and being dependent on someone. In high school and college, I was one of the only girls who didn't give a crap about having a boyfriend. And yet, when I was 21 a friend set me up on a blind date with my husband and I never looked back. I guess he tamed the shrew? I was a hard catch and I gave him a hard time but eventually he won me over. And we were married in 2008 and had our son in 2010 followed by our daughter in 2012.
And now I am a mom. Now that I have a girl, I am mortified by the things teenage girls do and wear, even though I danced hip hop in bare midriff in college. My children have made me into a hypocrite. I still love to dance even though I never get the chance and I still love to have a good laugh with friends. I still love to hike and camp and be outdoorsy. Now I have all of these other likes as well, like yoga, knitting, cooking everything from scratch (although that isn't a surprise because my mom and gran are amazing cooks). Did my college self just get tamed into an actual adult? I know other
moms go through these same experiences after having a child. It is like you give birth to an awesome human being, but a piece of you dies as well. Or maybe that is the wrong way of looking at it. Maybe as we women give birth to our offspring, we ourselves are reborn, recreated, remastered. I had a natural birth with my second child and it was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I guess when you go through something like that, you are bound to change.
So the answer to my question is that the real "me" is here right now and everything else was just transformed, evolved. And the beat goes on. We are always changing. The Buddha was a wise man when he spoke of impermanence. Life is impermanent and I guess I can expect many more changes to come.
I used to laugh at the idea of a stay at home mom. I was raised by women who were in the workforce. Two strong women (my gran and mom) in an all female household that we christened the "no penis palace". Girl power! I dreamed of graduating college and moving to some exciting place to start my spinster hood. I never was one of those girls that dreamed of getting married and being dependent on someone. In high school and college, I was one of the only girls who didn't give a crap about having a boyfriend. And yet, when I was 21 a friend set me up on a blind date with my husband and I never looked back. I guess he tamed the shrew? I was a hard catch and I gave him a hard time but eventually he won me over. And we were married in 2008 and had our son in 2010 followed by our daughter in 2012.
And now I am a mom. Now that I have a girl, I am mortified by the things teenage girls do and wear, even though I danced hip hop in bare midriff in college. My children have made me into a hypocrite. I still love to dance even though I never get the chance and I still love to have a good laugh with friends. I still love to hike and camp and be outdoorsy. Now I have all of these other likes as well, like yoga, knitting, cooking everything from scratch (although that isn't a surprise because my mom and gran are amazing cooks). Did my college self just get tamed into an actual adult? I know other
moms go through these same experiences after having a child. It is like you give birth to an awesome human being, but a piece of you dies as well. Or maybe that is the wrong way of looking at it. Maybe as we women give birth to our offspring, we ourselves are reborn, recreated, remastered. I had a natural birth with my second child and it was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I guess when you go through something like that, you are bound to change.
So the answer to my question is that the real "me" is here right now and everything else was just transformed, evolved. And the beat goes on. We are always changing. The Buddha was a wise man when he spoke of impermanence. Life is impermanent and I guess I can expect many more changes to come.
The title of my blog may lead you to believe that I am an eternal optimist. Although I would love to be that uncomplicated, the truth is I am not. That is why I had to add the phrase "are we there yet?" It is kind of how I am feeling right now. Are we ever "there"? We humans (especially mothers lumbering forward on 3 hours if sleep) tend to think that if we can get "there", to our next big goal (to nap time or dinner time or bed time) we will be happy. The truth is, like the breadcrumbs left by Hansel and Gretel, once you pick up one breadcrumb you find another a few steps away. Thus, our "there" will end up being a jumping off point for another "there", another goal, another what if.
I find myself struggling with this concept often, especially as a parent. The trouble is, once you are focused on "there" you forget what is happening right "here". Right in front of my eyes, my children are growing and changing, the seasons are cycling in and out, and I myself am transforming. I think my children are what has brought me into the present moment. For instance, when I am telling my toddler to please not launch his sister from her bouncy seat by pulling it back like a slingshot for the umpteenth time, it takes mindfulness to not let anger or judgement get in the way. I guess the kids are my best teachers.
I remember the good old days of waking up late and wandering around the city aimlessly with no one needing me for anything. While I would love to be able to do that again, I can't help but love the person I have become and the two little people my husband and I have created! I love the relationships that I have found in this stage of my life. I love that my son has friends that he plays with while us moms chat, laugh, and eat. So I guess I don't have to worry about the "there" part anymore. Because as long as I am fully "here" in this moment, "there" just doesn't seem that important.
I find myself struggling with this concept often, especially as a parent. The trouble is, once you are focused on "there" you forget what is happening right "here". Right in front of my eyes, my children are growing and changing, the seasons are cycling in and out, and I myself am transforming. I think my children are what has brought me into the present moment. For instance, when I am telling my toddler to please not launch his sister from her bouncy seat by pulling it back like a slingshot for the umpteenth time, it takes mindfulness to not let anger or judgement get in the way. I guess the kids are my best teachers.
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