Last post here!

I have decided to switch my blog to another provider, Word Press.  It's been real Google!  I hope you all will continue to read my blog at the new address, rosecampbell.wordpress.com.  I will be blogging about our travels from this new Internet home!

Preparations

Are you ready to go on this wild ride with me?  The one where we move across the ocean? That is why you are reading this blog right?  Andiamo!

The fun has only just begun.  We managed to get the kids passport photos taken, which included the bribery of one toddler with one giant cookie.  I don't blame him for not wanting to stand on the overturned milk carton in the middle of a CVS while some guy snapped his photo.  If you think this post sounds like it is laced with sarcasm, you have earned one giant cookie as well.

Why am I feeling sarcastic lately?  While we prepare for this journey, I have had to make numerous trips to the post office because that is where passports for minors are assigned.  I would love it if all post offices were just renamed to more accurately describe what they actually are: the place that every person who does not want to work applies for (and gets) a job.  The workers there are unreal....if eye rolling were an Olympic sport, I would be scouting behind the counters of every post office in America.

Lots of other small details are coming along, but it looks like we will depart at the beginning of September sometime.  I love that there is no exact date yet (again with the sarcasm).  We will be staying until December of this year and then will be home for the holidays (including my 30th birthday...bring it on, I am totally not scared of numbers).  If everything goes well in the first three months we are there, we will return in January to begin our longer stay.

I bought Vance a world map and a dictionary and we have been watching some Italian kids stuff on you tube.  I am hoping he will at least be used to hearing the language by the time we get there and get settled.  Unfortunately the only word he recalls quickly as of now is "dinosauri" which may not get him too far.  BUT he is trying and it is adorable. 

Besides all of our trip preparations, we are trying to enjoy the remainder of our summer and not get too wrapped up in the millions of items on our to-do list.  Call it getting into the Italian state of mind.  I can see already that venturing into a country where the pace is much slower and the quality of life is taken into account more will be good for the soul!

My bandana baby

Starved Rock State Park






Reading on a rainy day

Sitting like a big girl!

Expats in Italy

The lazy days of summer have arrived and are in full force in our home.  Beach mornings, beach evenings, beach potlucks (that's a lot of beach!), camping trips, farmers markets bursting with color, parks, water fights, late walks in the evening while kids snooze in the stroller, and sunshiny goodness.

We were enjoying what we thought to be a normal summer when a huge piece of news came our way.  We are being relocated for a project my husband needs to work on. In ITALY.  TWO FULL YEARS in the land of wine, pizza, mountains, and beautiful dialect!  And we leave in just a few months!  I feel like just writing about it cannot do it justice. The excitement I feel is insurmountable. My children will be bilingual and will know first hand about architecture, history, and culture that otherwise would only be accessible through school books and slide shows (do they even HAVE those anymore?).  We will have the amazing opportunity to travel over much of Europe if we want to. My husband will have a world of career opportunities opening for him after the completion of this project.  As I keep telling Vance, we are going on a huge adventure!

I feel all at once so grateful, ecstatic, scared, and anxious.  Actually, most of the time I feel like it is a weird dream and it is not really going to happen.  The thought of relocating our whole family and moving an ocean away from everyone we hold dear is somewhat boat rocking.  We both know a little Italian but will have to do some major work to understand enough to live there.  There is a lot to be done before we move in a few months. Passports for the kids, relocation details, renting our condo, packing. Blah blah blah. 

I have realized already, now only a few days into the process, that it will be a test of my mindfulness practice. Just like parenting. I don't want to miss a moment of this adventure but the only way to succeed is to remain in the present, letting life unfold as it should in front of me.  We hope to have visitors, friends and family alike, to make the whole journey a richer experience.  We hope to see amazing sights and taste amazing foods. It requires all of our senses to behold these daily miracles that life is giving us. Here's to an amazing adventure for the Campbell's!  I will be blogging and posting pictures here so keep up with our travels and stories if you wish!

Mother's Day

So my Mother's Day weekend didn't start off so great.  On Thursday evening I came down with mastitis, a.k.a. a painful breast infection. I had two and a half days of high fevers, chills, aches, and really painful nursing sessions.  But alas, my fever broke on Saturday night and by Sunday I felt like a new woman...who had just been hit by a truck....well maybe a small SUV.  I am still recovering but being so sick really changed my perspective.

A wise woman I know spoke a few weeks ago about acceptance.  We can accept the situation we are in and make the best of it or we can always head down the negative pathway.  We totally have a choice in the matter and if you have a strong enough awareness you can make a change.  I could have said that this weekend sucked because I had been bed ridden for most of it, looking longingly out the sunny window while my head felt like it was going to explode any second into a fiery meteor.  And when Caroline was nursing I really really wanted to cry because the pain was incredible.  And I had plans to go places and do things!

Instead, I took the positive path.  I nurtured myself and nourished myself.  I ate healing foods.  I got to lay in bed and cuddle with my babies.  I also got to start a book that I have been wanting to read for a while and watched a documentary called "Dying to Have Known" about the Gerson Natural Cancer Therapy.  And on Mother's Day, I felt well enough to bake this amazing grain free Blueberry Breakfast Crumble with Vance in the kitchen.  I also got to relax, take an epsom salt bath and do some restorative yoga.  Basically, my body forced me to make this weekend all about me.  No laundry, no dishes, no diapers.  Just healing.

The mastitis was another blessing in disguise because it showed me that I am not taking care of myself enough.  With two kids to tend to, it is easy to forget that I am a breastfeeding mother who needs ample fluids, rest, and vitamins.  I thought I was doing a good job but obviously my body is upping the standards.  And I intend to meet them.  Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful mommas out there!

Words

I unearthed this gem in one of my journals. It is a poem I wrote when I was pregnant and had time to write poetry. I hope to return to that space in my head someday.  Enjoy!


Organically, it happens
Like a seed meeting the sun for the first time,
a poem is illuminated through my mind's light.

It grows.
Curving, twisting, vining,
word by beautiful word.

As a tapestry is woven by a skilled hand,
So my poetry is woven by the God within my soul.
The words on the page are part of me, 
and they know my inner secrets.

A recipe to tickle your taste buds

Sometimes I like to experiment in the kitchen.  Okay, almost every time I cook I experiment....it is basically impossible for me to follow a recipe exactly without adding in my own ideas here and there.  I had a recipe for African Chickpea Stew but didn't have all of the ingredients on hand, so as usual, I started to veer off course.  What happened was the creation of a modified dish that I think is better than the original!

Side note, for the chickpeas I used dried and soaked them in a mixture of vinegar and water overnight before cooking them in the slow cooker the next day.  If you make a big batch of chickpeas, they freeze well so whatever you don't use in the stew can be thrown in the freezer for another time.

Coconut Chickpea Stew

1 onion, diced

3 Tbsp coconut oil

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 inch fresh ginger, grated

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp salt plus more to taste

3/4 cup stewed tomatoes (or 3 fresh tomatoes cut into chunks)

1/2 cup unsweetened coconut milk

2 cups homemade chicken stock (you can make awesome chicken stock in a crock pot, recipe can be found here)

3/4 cup cashew butter or peanut butter

2 cups cooked chickpeas

2 handfuls fresh spinach

Rice, millet, quinoa, or cous cous for serving

Heat coconut oil in large pot over medium heat and add onions to sauté.  Once onions are translucent, add garlic, ginger, and spices including salt and sauté for about a minute, stirring constantly.  Add broth, tomato sauce, and coconut milk and stir to combine.  Allow to simmer for a few minutes.  Using an immersion blender, blend the sauce until smooth.  Add chickpeas and simmer for about 5-10 minutes.  Turn of heat and add spinach.  Stir the pot and cover to allow spinach to wilt. Salt to taste and serve over a rice, millet, quinoa, cous cous, etc.

Gone (coco)nuts

My love for coconut started innocently enough, with Almond Joys, Samoas, Piña Coladas...now that my tastes have evolved away from the world of processed foods, I have found about a MILLION more ways to enjoy the food I so cherish.  Baked goods?  Check.  Cooking oil?  Check.  Skin care?  Check.  TOOTH POLISH?  Check.  The Internet is a Pandora's box of ideas for coconut, especially coconut oil.

Apparently, this wonderful food was given a bad image back in the eighties when everyone thought that fat free meant healthy.  Now we know better, right?  Now we know that eating fat doesn't MAKE  you fat, but if you consume the RIGHT fats it actually makes you THIN.  It is also a vital nutrient that your body needs for energy and proper brain function.

 I have been knee deep in the world of the Real Food movement lately (more about that later). It is amazing.  And I have been learning a lot about cooking with this amazing oil.  Vance and I have even started eating it in our morning bowl of oatmeal instead of butter (although that is good for you too).  It adds an awesome flavor and some extra fat that we need to make it to lunchtime.  An added bonus, it can help to keep your teeth healthy and it promotes cardiovascular health!  Below are some links for my fellow coconut lovers.  Jump on the bandwagon with me!  Enjoy!

http://thecoconutmama.com/ 

Everything you ever wanted to know about coconut oil

The Nourished Kitchen.  This is an amazing blog with wonderful Real Food recipes!  This link will take you to her explanation of cooking with coconut flour!

My favorite day.

One of my favorite days of the year is not a holiday or a day that asks for a lot of attention.  It is a day of gratitude and pure joy. It is the day in Chicago when you walk out your front door, and after a long, cold "Chicago" winter, you are able to FEEL THE SUN.  Yesterday was that day.  It was better than Christmas morning.

You look up, amazed, because you almost forgot this type of happy, head-to-toe warmth existed. You take off your scarf. The jacket follows. The sun shines on the backs of your hands, the top of your head, your neck and shoulders. It is the most invigorating sensation you have felt in months.  The shell of winter is cracked and all of the emotional baggage that went with it is melted away.

You feel so much gratitude because the sun and its wonderful optimism is reigniting that flame within.  It is this type of day that reminds me of why I live in this amazing city and brave the historic winters. When the sun finally shines upon us again, we are awakened to spring and all of the possibilities it holds.  The city is awake and buzzing.  People look up to greet you instead of rushing past while staring down at cold toes.

I love my city and I love this season.  Bring on the farmers markets, concerts, trips to the beach and zoo, sun drenched park days and picnics, gardening, hiking and enjoying the beauty of Mother Nature.

You know you are a parent of young children when...

1.  You always either smell like spoiled milk or spit up. No use trying to mask it, it is ingrained in your skin.

2.  Your morning routine (shower, etc) is perfectly timed to fit into one episode of Backyardigans.

3.  You can name all of the Backyardigans.

4.  By the time lunch rolls around, you have been awake for so long it feels like it should really be dinner time.

5.  Poop no longer scares you and it is liable to be a perfectly acceptable conversation topic with your spouse and/or other friends with kids.

6.  Sometimes you stay home for the entire day, not to have a relaxing personal day, but just because the effort of getting everyone dressed, fed, diaper bag packed, coats on, shoes on, potty trips, etc is more work than the fun you would have out anyways.

7.  You think you might have an aneurism if you have to repeat one of the following phrases ONE MORE TIME:  "don't hit your sister", "get off the coffee table", "hands out of your underwear", "don't put your hands in your mouth after they are in your underwear", "you have to wear pants to go to the grocery".

8.  Yoga pants.

9.  You know the difference between a digger and a backhoe.  And it has nothing to do with rap music.

10.  You refer to yourself in the third person often.

11.  You know what true love really is.

Just another reason my husband thinks I have lost my mind...

I have given my husband yet another reason to think I have lost my mind.  I have abandoned shampoo and conditioner.  Isn't this the worst thing a girl can do?  As it turns out, NO!  It is called the No 'Poo Movement and it has been highlighted on a few of the blogs I read. Maybe it is being so bored with winter (please come soon spring!) and needing something new to do, but I have officially gone off the deep end and started using a mixture of baking soda and warm water (1 Tbsp to 1 cup) followed by apple cider vinegar  and warm water (1 Tbsp to 1 cup) to wash and condition my hair in the shower.  The crazy part is that my hair has never felt better!

I have been using organic Kiss My Face shampoo and conditioner from Whole Foods for a while, so I didn't think I needed to worry about additives.  As it turns out, although there are no dangerous chemicals in this shampoo, unlike other shampoos (Pantene, Herbal Essence, etc), it still contains compounds that can weigh hair down and strip it of its natural oils.  Enter something as simple as baking soda to clean the scalp and vinegar to balance pH and seal cuticles and voila!  Homemade hair care.  As a side note, vinegar is also a natural detangler!

For now, I am very happy (and so is my wallet). And don't worry, you don't smell like vinegar afterwards.  Your hair will also remain less oily in between washes which is always a plus.  It does take a few weeks to break your hair in and get all of the build up out from years of using heavy shampoos and conditioners.  Hopefully by then, my husband will forget about me losing my marbles and enjoy my new 'do.

Vance turns 3!

My baby turns three tomorrow.  I feel like the enormity of it has not yet settled into my brain and heart.  Shouldn't I be looking back in nostalgia?  Instead I am forced to be in the all important present moment because Vance is so good at keeping me in that space.  That is why I need to reflect in writing.  Everyday he amazes me more, and although some days I wish I could press the "fast forward to daddy getting home from work and taking you off of my hands" button on our non existent life remote, I always look forward to our cozy bedtime routine of stories and cuddles.

I still remember the day he was born, and even though my birth experience was not the powerful natural birth I had with Caroline, I am still proud of the day I became a mother.  I saw, for the first time, my heart leaving my body in the form of a squirming, little human.  And then I heard that wonderful cry, the cry that only newborns can make.  It is not the loud, piercing cry that comes later.  It is almost more muffled, more innocent, and all it means is "hold me and love me".  Such a pure love.  I remember seeing a tear roll down JWs face as we looked into Vance's eyes for the first time.  He was perfect to us, and the only thing that we cared about in that moment.

Any hardships we had in those first few years (and there were a few) were minuscule compared to our love for him.  We have such a wonderful gift in our son.  He has blossomed into a goofy, imaginative child.  His favorite color is, and always will be, orange.  He wants to be a pirate when he grows up and could spend an entire day playing dinosaurs.  Ask what his favorite birthday present is and he will tell you cake.  I asked him if he knew how to swim the other day and he said "no, but I know how to make scuba divers".

 He is still a baby really, with that innocent view of the world.  I know each year that will fade a little more as he grows up and finds his place in the universe.  My hope for him is that he can keep a little piece of it, though, because if you let it get lost in the whole "growing up" thing, life just isn't as much fun.  Happy birthday Vance, my love!!!!!

Friday Photoday

Two pictures to describe my week.  Love them.

I found this on sale at Whole Foods, couldn't resist.

Ode to Spring

That globe of golden light
Brings warmth to my soul
Yes, winter is over.

Haiku?  Yes.  The close arrival of spring has me reflecting upon the end of winter.  This past winter was huge for our family with the birth of Caroline.  It was full of change and in a lot of ways we are still adjusting.  I think things will finally be settling down in about 18 years.

What I love about spring is the hope that it brings.  Every time I check the weather forecast, I am hopeful that the temperature has gone up one more degree (or two or three!).  I walk outside and breathe in a damp, cold air and smell the mud and wet earth.  I laugh as I see things uncovered in the melting snow, a glove here, the remnants of a snow man's scarf and nose there. 

We watch the trees and plants expectantly, hoping their buds will soon peek through and bring us the beauty of color.  My favorite spring bloom is the dogwood with its sweet, earthy, fragrant flowers. I remember walking by these trees when I was pregnant with Vance, hoping that the beautiful smell could go through my skin to my baby so that he too could enjoy it. We shed layers as well, and the cold shell we slept in all winter is broken, our hearts open once again to the warmth of the sun.

I know we have a few more weeks before it is officially the end of winter, but I can feel the changes and the optimism floating through the air.  Spring!

Easy Vegetable Risotto

I love making comforting meals that feel warm and cozy but also healthy and energizing.  Vegetables and whole grains are such a staple in our household.  One of the coziest little dishes I can think of containing these two items is risotto.  It is your basic Italian comfort food.  I had a lot of produce that needed to be used and some short grain brown rice so I decided to try my hand at vegetable risotto.  It turned out to be so wonderfully satisfying that I am going to post the recipe and add it to our family's list of favorites.
The key to risotto is patience, of which I have none.  All of my patience tends to go into child rearing so I don't have as much by the end of the day when dinner rolls around.  But I would wait happily all day for a bowl of this stuff. This risotto is as creamy as brown rice can get.  True Italian risotto does use white rice but I am not a fan of it when brown rice feels so much more filling and robust.  It also has all of those great nutrients still intact within the grain (i.e. whole grain).
I used the vegetables I had on hand, which happened to be onions, garlic, kale (always), mushrooms, carrots, and sundried tomatoes.  I am sure that artichokes, peas, broccoli, Lima beans, etc. could also make great additions to risotto.  Anything that's makes your tongue tingle when you think of it being mixed with some butter, rice, and cheese could really work.
This version is not vegetarian because I used chicken stock, as that is what I had on hand.  However, you could use vegetable or even mushroom stock to make it a vegetarian meal.  Furthermore, your vegan friends would love you if you omitted the butter and cheese.  This would make the dish less creamy, but there may be substitutions you could look into and experiment with.  I have seen a few trends lately that use ground cashews to create creamy sauces.

Vegetable Risotto

1 onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 carrots, finely diced (think approximately 1/4-1/2 inch cubes)
8 oz mushrooms, finely diced
Olive oil
1/4 cup white wine
2 1/2 cups chicken stock (or other type of stock)
1/4 cup water
1 bay leaf
Salt to taste
1 bunch of kale, finely chopped
Handful of sundries tomatoes, finely chopped
2 Tbsp butter
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Sauté onion, carrots, and mushrooms in olive oil until softened, about 5 minutes.  Add garlic and stir constantly for one minute.  Add rice and toast until the grains become translucent, about 5 minutes.  Add white wine and allow rice to fully absorb.  Now usually you would add the stock a little at a time and constantly stir the rice for a few hours.  Not my idea of an easy task when you have a toddler pulling at your shirt, asking you to play.  Not even an easy task if you don't have kids whining at you. Instead, I added it all at once and gently simmered the rice, which still came out super creamy and yummy!
 Add stock, bay leaf, and a little salt and pepper.  Bring to a boil and reduce to a gentle simmer.  Stir occasionally.  If the liquid absorbs and the rice is not as creamy as you would like, add more a little at a time.  Remove the bay leaf, add in the butter and stir.  Add in the cheese.  Serve right away!  And bring a bowl over to my house while you are at it!

The Great Bread Experiment

Bread.  I could never ever live without it.  I love bread.  But more specifically, I love healthy whole grain breads, which is lucky for my waistline.  I have been reading a lot of labels lately and this has forced me into the kitchen to make most of our meals completely from scratch.  That means I have taken up the art of baking bread.

For some reason I always thought that baking a wonderful loaf of bread was a hard task, one that only the elite chefs could pull off.  My Gran used to bake bread for us when I was little.  I wasn't allowed in the kitchen when she was cooking (now, as a mom of young children I know why), so I always thought her finished products to be magical in some way.  It is like they appeared, carried on the wings of fairies into our kitchen.  Cupcakes and breads and pancakes, oh my!  I had a great imagination.

Baking bread could NOT BE EASIER. It is so rewarding and so easy that I baked three different types of bread last week alone.  And that is with taking care of an infant and toddler.  It isn't hard, folks, or else I wouldn't do it.  My breads have five ingredients...flour, yeast, salt, sugar/honey, and water.  Seriously, that is all it takes to bake bread.  Now look at the label of the bread in your house.  If there are more ingredients than this, it isn't bread.  It is a bread-like product.

I have decided that I am going to start a bread baking experiment.  I am going to bake different types of breads using different flours and sweeteners to see which one is best.  And I am going to do all of the taste testing myself (maybe a little help from Vance and JW).  For my first loaf, I used just white bread flour, sugar, salt, and Red Star active dry yeast.  I got the recipe for French bread from the Red Star Yeast Web site.  My Gran taught me that the best place to look for basic recipes was on the backs of the boxes of ingredients (flour bags, etc), which translates into the company Web sites in our generation.  she told me that these recipes were always well tested, so a good place for beginners to start.  I combined the ingredients and let it rise for an hour.  Then I punched it down, shaped it into a French bread loaf and let it rise again for another hour or two.  Then I baked it for 30 minutes.  Voila!  The bread I remember from childhood!  Warm, crusty bread right from our own oven and smeared with a generous helping of yummy, organic butter!

For the next loaf, I used whole wheat pastry flour combined with bread flour and honey as the sweetener.  Same procedure.  Great product!  Last weekend I made half whole wheat half white pizza dough which turned out incredibly like the real thing my husband just ate in Italy!  And I topped mine with butternut squash, kale, shallots, and goat cheese.  Mmmmmm.  More breads to come!  Maybe some rye for St Patricks Day?  Check back soon, but until then go bake a loaf, it is too easy and too good!

Our choice

So.  Because I do not get enough of child-rearing during the day (ha), I have taken to reading parenting books at night.  What can I say, I love to read and it just so happens that my life revolves around these two little munchkins right now.  I want to do things the "right" way so that my children grow into wonderful, perfect little human beings.  The more I read, the more I realize that this perfection I am striving for is never possible.  Ever.  Because we humans are flawed by nature.  Oh but haven't you heard?  Flawed is the new perfect!

The book I am currently reading is called "Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children" by Sarah Napthali.  This book is a wonderful addition to my "mindful parenting" shelf.  One of the biggest things I have come across so far is this idea that, in any moment, we have a choice in regards to how we react to a stimulus.  This idea has crossed my mind in reading and philosophizing before.  Sometimes I forget about these simple ways to be more mindful and when they reappear I feel very grateful.

Knowing I have a choice in every moment is not just an idea present on planet parenthood, rather it can be used by anyone in daily life.  When something happens (stimulus), pause.  Take one breath before you allow yourself to react.  You can either react in a negative way or a positive way.  For instance, if Vance decides to do something naughty, lets say spill his milk on purpose (like he did this morning), I am presented with a choice.  I can either fly off the handle and scold said child, or I can calmly tell him that what he did was wrong and take the milk away without screaming, shaming him, or getting myself worked up.

Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us.  We are human and that is okay.  But there is a choice in the matter.  We can step back, realize that our emotions are just external stimuli that do not control who we are, and be present. Sometimes, during meditation, we are told to imagine our thoughts and emotions as clouds passing through a sky.  They are impermanent and they do not define us.

Now this doesn't mean we should suppress emotions.  In her book, Ms. Napthali has many pieces of wisdom, another being that sometimes we don't have time in the present moment to go deeply into ourselves and hash out difficult emotions.  However, we can always come back to our true selves and explore this later on.  Meditation or quiet reflection are the perfect time for this.  Now if I could just get five minutes of quiet time...

Breakfasting

My husband has been in Italy since last Friday.  (Sigh, jealous). He gets home tomorrow so we are all very excited!  I have been alone with the kids for longer than I ever thought my sanity could handle.  Today, to celebrate my ability to keep two little people alive and happy for that long without the help of my spouse, we are having a day of fun in the kitchen!
Vance, like his mommy, loves to cook.  Also, like his mommy, he can eat his weight in pancakes.  It is a special talent reserved for us elite bread lovers.  This morning we started by making these insanely wonderful pancake bites that I found on Pinterest.  One of the easiest and most gratifying breakfasts I have made in a while.  We typically start our day with a big bowl of hearty steel cut oats so this was a treat!  You can use any pancake batter recipe, so Vance and I whipped up a batch of my family's favorite whole wheat blueberry pancakes.
All you have to do is pour the batter into muffin tins instead of onto a griddle, and bake for about 15 minutes at 350 degrees.  Genius. Ours took 17 minutes and they were amazing.  They are perfect for a toddler and a hungry mommy.  We didn't even need to put extra sweetener on them because I added pure maple syrup to the batter.  You wish you were invited for breakfast?  Maybe next time.  I might need to restrain myself from making these everyday of my life.




Blueberry Pancake Bites

1 cup whole wheat pastry flour (or regular whole wheat flour)
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1-2 Tbsp pure maple syrup (or your family's preferred sweetener)
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 1/4 cup milk
3 Tbsp butter, melted
Frozen or fresh blueberries (to taste)

Preheat oven to 350. Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl.  Add in the wet ingredients, including the butter.  Mix gently until batter is smooth, making sure all of the flour is absorbed.

Grease a 12 cup muffin tin.  Pour the batter into eat muffin cup.  This batter will not rise as much as a muffin or a cupcake so you can fill them almost to the top.  Sprinkle blueberries or topping if choice into the muffin cups.  We might try bananas and walnuts or strawberries next time!

Bake for anywhere from 12-20 minutes.  The baking will depend on your batter and the toppings inside.  You don't want them to be browned on top, but instead a little brown around the edges.  You can tell they are done when you insert a toothpick and it comes out clean.  Ours took 17 minutes to get to that point...but only about five minutes to disappear.

SOS

When you write a post that goes like this.....

Some days I feel so unfabulous. Yes I am in the business of making up words.  It all started when I didn't have time to brush my teeth. And both of my kids were super needy all day. And Vance was acting like I had stuffed him full of sugar and yellow #5.  And there was too much to get done for one person to have to do it all.  I am also currently in the business of feeling sorry for myself a little.

It is amazing,though, that I love my kids so much that I severely neglected myself all day.  I spent about 5 minutes getting dressed but the rest of the day left me with a baby in one arm (bonus: bicep workout, downside: need a chiropractor) and a toddler that was giving the Flash a run for his money (while wearing Flash underwear). Note to self: no more superhero underwear because Vance always takes on the persona he is wearing. I should try to get him some Zen underwear. Maybe that would help me.

On the upside a friend came over with her baby so I wasn't alone all day.  And our new little babies played together in the cutest possible ways. And Vance's potty training is going really well, despite his puddle he left on the couch and the other one on his chair at the dinner table.  Also, because there was no napping in my house today, both of the kids passed out by 8:30.

When you write a post like that, you know you need help.  And it turns out that you can't actually call the Ghostbusters or Superman to help you.  But if you are as lucky as I am, you can call your friends. Because I had a bad day with my kids yesterday, I was determined to make today better.  I ate a cookie that I baked with a friend, I took a jog (with a friend) and will be able to be in the company of some pretty cool adults and children tonight and tomorrow night.

Before I had Caroline, I was a pretty independent person and prided myself on hardly ever asking for help.  I may have just been a giant 3 year old for my entire life in this regard ("I do it!). Sorry, Mom.  But it all started when I was in labor with her and I had to call a friend last minute to watch Vance.  And then I had to ask for help when I was in labor (but not for drugs because I managed it without...where is my medal?). And then I was in shock for a few days and needed JW and my mom a whole bunch.  And I feel like I have been asking for help ever since.  And it still makes me feel guilty every time.  Like I am not worth the help that I am recieving, even though I am so incredibly grateful for it all.

I know that I should have more self esteem than that, but it is hard to ask for help in a society where we pride ourselves on "doing it all".  In our country these days, it seems like the busier you are, the better you are.  Should this really be the case?  Shouldn't we be rewarding people for slowing down, taking a look at their lives, and connecting with other human beings?  It is particularly tough as a mom.  I know,I know, we moms always talk about how tough it is...blah blah blah.  But seriously, if a woman is working full time with kids at home, she is still expected to attend every school/family event, stay home with them while they are sick, AND climb the corporate ladder to success while covered in snot, spit up, and three day old mashed bananas.  (By the way, working dads do not have this high of an expectation placed on them, but that doesn't mean I am not grateful for my husband and his job).

At the other end of the spectrum, if a mom stays home with her children,  people assume she is lounging around all day in her flowered pajamas watching Ellen reruns.  As a stay at home mom, I constantly feel that what I am doing is not good enough.  I feel like I should be doing something more than chasing children and cleaning up after their constant messes, all while teaching them the rules and morals of life and trying to stimulate their budding brain cells.  But, alas, what I am doing does not bring home the bacon (unless we are talking about grocery store bacon).  Therefore, it is not seen as a job but more if a life choice.

I guess all I can do is thank Caroline for the life lessons she has taught me so far (more to come), and my friends for their help in this crazy life.  Meanwhile, I can stop feeling sorry for myself and be happy that I had the courage to ask for the help that I needed.

The Sunshine State (of mind)

So this past week, my husband and I took on the difficult insane task of vacationing with a toddler and two month old baby.  JW had a conference down on Sarasota and I had never been to that area so we joined him.  We needed the warmth and needed a vacation even more.  Our lives have been turned upside down since the birth of Caroline in November and the subsequent rebelling of our three year old son Vance.

We chose early flights because it saved us money and also I figured that the kids would be fresh and in happier moods.  Have I mentioned that until recently I was terrified of flying?  So I was also trying  to conquer that fear while wrestling the kids.  I felt like we prepared pretty well (I was a Girl Scout after all).  I bought Vance a monstrous sticker book and a new pad of paper and crayons.  I stocked up on a few healthy snacks and some organic lollipops.  I made sure to bring my boobs along for Caroline.  I bought a tranquilizer gun...just kidding. We were set!

We got to the airport on Saturday morning at 6:30 and Vance immediately had a horrible meltdown.  First he wouldn't go through security.  When we finally convinced him that the evil TSA monsters were not going to harm him, Caroline decided to wail for some breakfast.  Vance seemed to be overstimulated and shut down...he would not cooperate with anything.  When we walked up to the gate where we would be catching our flight we had a screaming, crabby toddler, and a crying baby.  People were so happy to see us!

I managed to nurse Caroline and then made Vance extremely happy by letting him play on the moving sidewalks in the airport.  By the time we were ready to board the kids were fine.  JW and I managed to not throw parental temper tantrums as well when the flight was delayed a bit.  The plane ride was great and both kids were angelic.  I had one of those proud moments as a parent when your ego inflates a little and you think you know it all about raising kids.  Unfortunately that ended as soon as it began (as is always the case).

Our vacation was nice because the weather cooperated and I got to be outside a lot with the kids.  We also got to eat out which meant I didn't have to cook (but it also meant that I gained a few pounds). And having a maid clean your room everyday is a huge plus. I got to jog on the beach (by myself!) a few mornings and we walked a ton.  Vance loved collecting shells in the morning and playing on the white, sandy beaches.  Even Grandma made an appearance!

It was a "vacation" though.  Not a relaxing, feet in the sand, read a book on the beach VACATION.  We were all in one hotel room and kids get crabby no matter what latitude they are occupying or what the temperature is outside.  Vance managed to take a spill and scrape up his face so we got our badge for parents of the year.  Our lives were unfolding as they do everyday at home, just in a different location.  But I am not going to be ungrateful, it was really great to get away!  I wish I could keep the vacation state of mind running after we have been home for a while.

The return flight was rocky as far as the kids go but we still got compliments on their behavior.  Highlights included Vance pooping and not letting us change him so that the whole plane smelled and the old woman behind me being creepy and trying to watch Caroline nurse (do you mind?).  The great thing about flying to and from Florida is that you get to be surrounded by a bunch of nice grandparents who are either coming or going from their visits with grandchildren, whom they miss dearly.  Their affections were then transferred to my children which was cute.

And I do have to toot my own horn and say that I managed my fears of flying really well!  It was all in the breath.  Well, that and being so darn distracted that I didn't even think about it most of the time!  I hope our story of a (mostly) successful trip will inspire more parents to take their kids and get away!  We all need a vacation from the insanity of everyday life. It is a nice chance to be with your family and remember what is truly important.  One thing I am trying to keep from vacation (besides my tan) is the happy feeling I get when I truly look at my children.  Their pure, loving innocence is enough to remind me why I wake up everyday.

 

 

Rehydrate the natural way!

So if you are one of the unlucky parents this year who has had to deal with a stomach bug taking its toll on your household, this post is for you!  I read this great blog called 100 Days of Real Food by Lisa Leake.  This woman is great and has so many wonderful tips for anyone trying to be healthier in mind and body.  She began the blog in order to challenge herself and her family to eat real food, meaning no processed or artificial anything.  Her Whole wheat banana bread recipe is crazy good and I make it often for my family.  Recently, she posted a really interesting entry about Pedialyte and a great natural substitution.  The recipe can be found here and it is just water, salt, and sugar mixed in an amount that is known to rehydrate the body when ill.  I was looking for something like this for Vance when he was sick a few weeks ago but couldn't find anything.  I will hold onto this for future reference though.  I hope this finds you all happy and healthy, but if not remember you can always turn to natural remedies before heading to the drugstore!

A poem to start the day!

Sometimes we all need a little pick me up. This is my favorite poem by Mary Oliver.  It is called "Why I Wake Early".  She has such a wonderfully easy way of writing and it just warms your soul!  Enjoy this poem while eating the yummy energy cookies that Vance and I whipped up and gobbled up(recipe below).


Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who make the morning
and spread it over fields
and into the faces of tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety-

best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light-
good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

Cashew Date Coconut Cookies

Handful of dates (about 5 or 6)
Handful of raisins
3/4 cup cashews (we used lightly salted)
Drizzle of honey
Small pinch of salt
2 Tbsp water
Shredded unsweetened coconut
Wheat germ

Add all ingredients except the coconut and wheat germ to the bowl of a small food processor.
Process until smooth or to the consistency you want (sometimes prefer mine chunky). They should be sticky enough and solid enough to roll into balls.  If they are too runny just add more cashews, raisins or dates to firm them up.  Roll into balls and roll through a mixture of the wheat germ and coconut.  It should make about 10 cookies. Freeze for 15 minutes or refrigerate for 30 before serving.  Keep leftovers refrigerated.  These are great for an afternoon snack, especially for kids, or something to grab before heading out for a walk or run.  They stabilize blood sugar and are quite filling!  You can also make your own version by using a different nut or adding fun things like chocolate chips!

Bon appetite!

A good day and a good recipe.

Things aligned in my universe yesterday and Vance woke up in a happy mood (even if it was at 5:30 am). My two month old slept until 8 am.  My toddler played quietly during this time while I made some yummy steel cut oats followed by an even yummier spinach smoothie, got dressed, started laundry, cleaned up breakfast, and had a cup of tea.  I might as well have run a marathon and fed one million starving children.  It made me feel like I had a damn fabulous start to the day.

Let me rub it in some more....Vance was occupied at school that morning and I got to relax with a friend and our babies.  My toddler was compliant and even though he ended the day with a temperature/cold and a chiropractor appointment in which he actually laid on the table, I didn't have to raise my voice to him once.  Last night I felt peaceful and energized.  But having such a great day has me thinking (damn thoughts ruining my aaah moment).....

The past few weeks with my son have been really hard.  He is still trying to adjust to life with a little sister and he has been trying to get attention any way he can.  Sometimes I find myself nagging at him so much that the word "no" loses its authority.  I often have feelings of frustration towards him that turn into feelings of dislike for a fleeting moment.  I find that his behavior really impacts my mood for the whole day, which is even more apparent when I have a bad day followed by a good one.    I don't know if other parents feel the same way, but a child's behavior and their mother's mood are intertwined in a vicious cycle of passion.

I have noticed that my good days seem to be the ones where I nag Vance a little less and he listens to me a little more.  I want to find a formula that will create this everyday (and make me the most
wealthy businesswoman alive). Maybe it takes me, as the adult in the relationship, taking the high road and having a more positive tone of voice?  Or just trying to pick my battles wisely?  Like
everything else concerning child rearing, it will just have to take experimentation and patience.  By the time I figure it out, he will be out of this phase and onto a new one.  At least I will have something up my sleeve for when Caroline is in this phase of life.  For now I will bask in the glow of a day that actually went my way!

Spinach smoothie (aka dinosaur smoothie) recipe
*best outcome using Vitamix
1/2 cup green grapes
1 orange
1 apple
2-3 cups spinach
1/3 cup water
1 1/2 to 2 cups ice
Blend all ingredients on smoothie setting until smooth.  If you have a banana lover sub for grapes!
Drink up and enjoy a burst of energy!

Warmth! Sunshine! Here we come!

My husband has a conference down in Sarasota next week.  Because I am not a lunatic, I have decided to join him with our kids, rather than stay home alone for a week in this rainy, freezing weather.   We are flying. With a three year old and two month old.  So we will be the family everyone at the airport prays they don't have to sit next to on the plane.  I am trying to be optimistic (read: playing dumb) about this challenge.  I feel like we should totally be able to do a two and a half hour flight with ease.  I mean we are not parenting in the stone ages here, we have iPads to entertain our children.

 If I wasn't so hard on myself as a parent I would be okay with sitting Vance in front of an iPad for the whole journey.  But, alas, I have this nagging voice in the back of my head (that sounds strangely like my mother) that always wants my children to be doing something worthwhile.  I have a pang of guilt every time I hear the theme song to Thomas or Backyardigans.  It's like I need to know that he is using his brain at all times.  I feel like this is a trend with children and their parents these days.  When I talk to my friends, they seem to be having the same guilty feelings about television and iPads.  It is hard to be a parent when your child needs to be able to focus on quiet "old fashioned" activities like coloring, puzzles, pretend play, etc AND know how to use their fingers to navigate the Internet.  And don't even get me started on Internet safety for children and teens, because that just gives me a straight up panic attack.

So if you are flying out of O'Hare airport early Saturday morning and you see a child being forced against their will to draw a picture instead of stare at an iPad screen, you are probably looking at my family.  And you should probably hope we aren't sitting right next to you on your flight.

Which one is me?

When I was 20, if you would have told me that someday I would be sitting on my couch blogging during nap time with a sleeping (and adorable) two month old on my lap while my boob is hanging out (tmi?  That is how we roll in my house) I would have looked at you like you were nuts.  How times have changed!  And yet they haven't in a way.  I feel like I am still searching for myself.  In my early twenties, I was a dancer, college student, sorority girl, and lover of all things rambunctious.  Now, at 29, I am more into my children, cooking...you know, being your basic overall domestic goddess.  When did I change so much?

I used to laugh at the idea of a stay at home mom.  I was raised by women who were in the workforce.  Two strong women (my gran and mom) in an all female household that we christened the "no penis palace".  Girl power!  I dreamed of graduating college and moving to some exciting place to start my spinster hood.  I never was one of those girls that dreamed of getting married and being dependent on someone.  In high school and college, I was one of the only girls who didn't give a crap about having a boyfriend.  And yet, when I was 21 a friend set me up on a blind date with my husband and I never looked back.  I guess he tamed the shrew?  I was a hard catch and I gave him a hard time but eventually he won me over.  And we were married in 2008 and had our son in 2010 followed by our daughter in 2012.

And now I am a mom.  Now that I have a girl, I am mortified by the things teenage girls do and wear, even though I danced hip hop in bare midriff in college.  My children have made me into a hypocrite.   I still love to dance even though I never get the chance and I still love to have a good laugh with friends. I still love to hike and camp and be outdoorsy.  Now I have all of these other likes as well, like yoga, knitting, cooking everything from scratch (although that isn't a surprise because my mom and gran are amazing cooks).  Did my college self just get tamed into an actual adult?  I know other
moms go through these same experiences after having a child.  It is like you give birth to an awesome human being, but a piece of you dies as well.  Or maybe that is the wrong way of looking at it.  Maybe as we women give birth to our offspring, we ourselves are reborn, recreated, remastered.  I had a natural birth with my second child and it was one of the most transformative experiences of my life.  I guess when you go through something like that, you are bound to change.

So the answer to my question is that the real "me" is here right now and everything else was just transformed, evolved.  And the beat goes on.  We are always changing.  The Buddha was a wise man when he spoke of impermanence.  Life is impermanent and I guess I can expect many more changes to come.

The title of my blog may lead you to believe that I am an eternal optimist.  Although I would love to be that uncomplicated, the truth is I am not.  That is why I had to add the phrase "are we there yet?"  It is kind of how I am feeling right now.  Are we ever "there"?  We humans (especially mothers lumbering forward on 3 hours if sleep) tend to think that if we can get "there", to our next big goal (to nap time or dinner time or bed time) we will be happy.  The truth is, like the breadcrumbs left by Hansel and Gretel, once you pick up one breadcrumb you find another a few steps away.  Thus, our "there" will end up being a jumping off point for another "there", another goal, another what if.

I find myself struggling with this concept often, especially as a parent.  The trouble is, once you are focused on "there" you forget what is happening right "here".  Right in front of my eyes, my children are growing and changing, the seasons are cycling in and out, and I myself am transforming.  I think my children are what has brought me into the present moment.  For instance, when I am telling my toddler to please not launch his sister from her bouncy seat by pulling it back like a slingshot for the umpteenth time, it takes mindfulness to not let anger or judgement get in the way.  I guess the kids are my best teachers.

I remember the good old days of waking up late and wandering around the city aimlessly with no one needing me for anything.  While I would love to be able to do that again, I can't help but love the person I have become and the two little people my husband and I have created!  I love the relationships that I have found in this stage of my life.  I love that my son has friends that he plays with while us moms chat, laugh, and eat.  So I guess I don't have to worry about the "there" part anymore.  Because as long as I am fully "here" in this moment, "there" just doesn't seem that important.