SOS

When you write a post that goes like this.....

Some days I feel so unfabulous. Yes I am in the business of making up words.  It all started when I didn't have time to brush my teeth. And both of my kids were super needy all day. And Vance was acting like I had stuffed him full of sugar and yellow #5.  And there was too much to get done for one person to have to do it all.  I am also currently in the business of feeling sorry for myself a little.

It is amazing,though, that I love my kids so much that I severely neglected myself all day.  I spent about 5 minutes getting dressed but the rest of the day left me with a baby in one arm (bonus: bicep workout, downside: need a chiropractor) and a toddler that was giving the Flash a run for his money (while wearing Flash underwear). Note to self: no more superhero underwear because Vance always takes on the persona he is wearing. I should try to get him some Zen underwear. Maybe that would help me.

On the upside a friend came over with her baby so I wasn't alone all day.  And our new little babies played together in the cutest possible ways. And Vance's potty training is going really well, despite his puddle he left on the couch and the other one on his chair at the dinner table.  Also, because there was no napping in my house today, both of the kids passed out by 8:30.

When you write a post like that, you know you need help.  And it turns out that you can't actually call the Ghostbusters or Superman to help you.  But if you are as lucky as I am, you can call your friends. Because I had a bad day with my kids yesterday, I was determined to make today better.  I ate a cookie that I baked with a friend, I took a jog (with a friend) and will be able to be in the company of some pretty cool adults and children tonight and tomorrow night.

Before I had Caroline, I was a pretty independent person and prided myself on hardly ever asking for help.  I may have just been a giant 3 year old for my entire life in this regard ("I do it!). Sorry, Mom.  But it all started when I was in labor with her and I had to call a friend last minute to watch Vance.  And then I had to ask for help when I was in labor (but not for drugs because I managed it without...where is my medal?). And then I was in shock for a few days and needed JW and my mom a whole bunch.  And I feel like I have been asking for help ever since.  And it still makes me feel guilty every time.  Like I am not worth the help that I am recieving, even though I am so incredibly grateful for it all.

I know that I should have more self esteem than that, but it is hard to ask for help in a society where we pride ourselves on "doing it all".  In our country these days, it seems like the busier you are, the better you are.  Should this really be the case?  Shouldn't we be rewarding people for slowing down, taking a look at their lives, and connecting with other human beings?  It is particularly tough as a mom.  I know,I know, we moms always talk about how tough it is...blah blah blah.  But seriously, if a woman is working full time with kids at home, she is still expected to attend every school/family event, stay home with them while they are sick, AND climb the corporate ladder to success while covered in snot, spit up, and three day old mashed bananas.  (By the way, working dads do not have this high of an expectation placed on them, but that doesn't mean I am not grateful for my husband and his job).

At the other end of the spectrum, if a mom stays home with her children,  people assume she is lounging around all day in her flowered pajamas watching Ellen reruns.  As a stay at home mom, I constantly feel that what I am doing is not good enough.  I feel like I should be doing something more than chasing children and cleaning up after their constant messes, all while teaching them the rules and morals of life and trying to stimulate their budding brain cells.  But, alas, what I am doing does not bring home the bacon (unless we are talking about grocery store bacon).  Therefore, it is not seen as a job but more if a life choice.

I guess all I can do is thank Caroline for the life lessons she has taught me so far (more to come), and my friends for their help in this crazy life.  Meanwhile, I can stop feeling sorry for myself and be happy that I had the courage to ask for the help that I needed.