Our choice

So.  Because I do not get enough of child-rearing during the day (ha), I have taken to reading parenting books at night.  What can I say, I love to read and it just so happens that my life revolves around these two little munchkins right now.  I want to do things the "right" way so that my children grow into wonderful, perfect little human beings.  The more I read, the more I realize that this perfection I am striving for is never possible.  Ever.  Because we humans are flawed by nature.  Oh but haven't you heard?  Flawed is the new perfect!

The book I am currently reading is called "Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children" by Sarah Napthali.  This book is a wonderful addition to my "mindful parenting" shelf.  One of the biggest things I have come across so far is this idea that, in any moment, we have a choice in regards to how we react to a stimulus.  This idea has crossed my mind in reading and philosophizing before.  Sometimes I forget about these simple ways to be more mindful and when they reappear I feel very grateful.

Knowing I have a choice in every moment is not just an idea present on planet parenthood, rather it can be used by anyone in daily life.  When something happens (stimulus), pause.  Take one breath before you allow yourself to react.  You can either react in a negative way or a positive way.  For instance, if Vance decides to do something naughty, lets say spill his milk on purpose (like he did this morning), I am presented with a choice.  I can either fly off the handle and scold said child, or I can calmly tell him that what he did was wrong and take the milk away without screaming, shaming him, or getting myself worked up.

Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us.  We are human and that is okay.  But there is a choice in the matter.  We can step back, realize that our emotions are just external stimuli that do not control who we are, and be present. Sometimes, during meditation, we are told to imagine our thoughts and emotions as clouds passing through a sky.  They are impermanent and they do not define us.

Now this doesn't mean we should suppress emotions.  In her book, Ms. Napthali has many pieces of wisdom, another being that sometimes we don't have time in the present moment to go deeply into ourselves and hash out difficult emotions.  However, we can always come back to our true selves and explore this later on.  Meditation or quiet reflection are the perfect time for this.  Now if I could just get five minutes of quiet time...